The Legend of Pancakes: Armpit of Time
by Lil-Miaka
Summary: A total parody staring me and my best freind, Jordan! this is what would happen if I missed my bus! Also, partly true!Mostly true...Just my luck, I try to find a bathroom and I end up saving a princess. CHAPTER 7! FINALLY! THANK GOD!
1. Chapter 1

Legend of

Pancakes:

Armpit of Time

(Co-written by a 13-year-old boy. Total parody. Also partly true.)

CHAPTER 1

"Wait!" I shouted at the bus, my long chestnut brown hair waving everywhere. I was too late. The bus took off as though I wasn't there. I couldn't believe it. This would be my first time of my middleschool carrier that I ever missed the bus.

To my utter supprise, I wasn't the only one late today. My friend, Jordan, came running up to me. He seemed out of breath.

"D-did I miss the bus, Ember?" He asked. I slapped him jokingly.

"Duh! We both missed the bus!" I answered. Then as an after thought I added "Moron."

"Well, hows about we take a short cut through those creepy looking woods?" Jordan asked. I laughed, but walked in anyway. He followed me in.

Jordan and I have always been friends ever sense I saved his butt from some bullies. He had messy hair that was about the same color as mine, and he had eyes that, as soon as you looked in them, they'd make you laugh at any joke he told you.

Me, I was a straight A student who was also very cocky and weird. Oh, and one more thing; I'm completely obsessed with Zelda Games. Jordan also liked them, but he's more addicted to general Video Games.

Jordan noticed my "You know your addicted to Zelda when…" T-shirt. He smirked his cocky smirk.

"You still own that thing?" He asked, pointing at my shirt. I smiled.

"What? It's my favorite shirt." I replied.

"Yeah, but I can still see pizza stains from last year on it! That shirt should be your next science Project!" Jordan teased. I threw my fist at him. This was regular in each of our days. But things were about to get much weirder.

"So you're coming to my birthday party, right?" I asked.

"Of course!" Jordan answered.

PFFFFFT!

"Ugh! _Jordan_!" I shouted, waving a hand in front of my face.

"That wasn't me!" Jordan defended.

Pffft.

"_That_ was." said Jordan. The bushes behind us rattled. We looked back at the bushes. With a loud fart, a kid came out of them. He looked somewhat Asian, but he was wearing completely green. I raised an eyebrow, and Jordan raised (and wiggled) his opposite eyebrow.

"There you are! We been looking for you two!" The boy said.

"Do we know you?" I asked.

"No, but we know you. I'm Kong-Ai-Rou!" The boy responded.

Pffffffffft!

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, waving an offended hand again.

After a wile of walking through the woods (with rather unpleasant smells the entire way), we reached the aria Kong was supposed to take us.

"We here! This were it is!" Kong said bouncing.

Pfffffffffft!

"Okay kid, that's it!" Jordan exclaimed, "You asked for it!"

PWWWFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTtttt..t..t…!

The fart erupted through the woods.

"Ith you boyz are ablout done yeth," I said, holding my nose, "I'ld like tho geth _oon_ weth thiz!"

"Fine…" Jordan sighed, as though I were his mother getting him off his new video game. Though, I must admit, I was mildly entertained by the loud fart that Jordan let loose. Who knew that a fart that loud was accessible in the natural world?

We walked through the bushes to see several children, all in green, looking as though they had been working all day…well, it was still morning…so, all night, I guess. They had a large tree behind them. My mind immediately jumped to "Kokiri", but then I shook my head. It _had_ to be my Zelda rotted imagination. Strangely, music began to play. It was familiar music…then, I realized it was music from the resent school-play! The children began to dance.

"It's a hard-knock life, for us!" Sang a bunch of the kids.

"It's a hard-knock life, for us!" Sang several others. A little red headed girl jumped up on a tree stump.

" 'Steada treated," She sang.

"We get tricked!" sang the others.

" 'Steada kisses,"

"We get kicked!" They completed, the girl jumped off and they all sang together: "It's the hard-knock life!"

"Why are they singing and dancing?" I asked Kong.

"I don'no, they just spotainiously broke out into song and dance, I guess." He answered.

"Got no folks to speak of, so," They all sang, "It's the hard-knock row we how!"

"Grass blankets," Sang the red headed girl.

" 'Steada cloth!" Completed the others.

"Empty belles,"

" 'Steada full!"

Then they all sang, "It's the hard-knock life!"

"Don't it feel like the wind is always howl'n?" Warbled the little girl in solo.

Two other girls stepped up and sang, "Don't it seem like there's never any light?"

Then, two other girls followed, singing, "Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in?"

Followed by another two girls, who sang, "It's easier than puttin' up a fight!"

The red headed girl took over again, "No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy! No one cares if you grow...or if you shrink! No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy!"

"From all the cryin' you'd think this place's a sink!" Shouted the kids in singsong, "Ohhhh! Empty belly life! Rotten smelly life! Full of sorrow life! No tomorrow life!" The spotlight then moved to a little girl, younger than the rest, who was sitting down…wait, where did the spotlight come from?

"Santa Claus we'll never see." Sang the littlest girl. The red head danced over to the youngest.

"Santa Claus, what's that? Who's he?" She asked, while still singing to the tune.

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

A whistle had blown. All the Kids stopped dancing and singing.

"Hey!" I shouted, "You blew it too early!" I turned to see Kong.

"Actually, I blew it intentionally. We have something more im-" He began; but he paused, bent over, and let out another fart. Then he stood back up an continued, "We have something more important to deal with now!"

"Oh, right…" said the red haired little girl, there was some guilt in her voice.

"To bad." I whispered to Jordan, "Those kids were _good_!" But then I saw Jordan was asleep.

I took off my backpack and hit Jordan over the head with it.

"Ow! What'd I do?" Jordan asked.

"You always fall asleep during performances!" I accused of him.

"No I don't!"

"Jordan, you fell asleep in a performance _you_ starred in! …_While_ you were staring _in_ it!"

"It was '_Hamlet'!_ How do you stay _awake_ during _that_?"

"I still don't understand _how_ you fell asleep while you were _on stage!_ In the _middle_ of a _line_?"

"Um, excuse me?" Came a familiar voice, "Ember and Jordan?" I looked up to see Kong looking a little frightened.

"Oh, um, sorry." I said, helping Jordan to his feet.

"Oop oop, yabu yabu!" said Jordan.

"What?" I asked.

We turned to face the tree. The tree formed a face.

"Hello." It said. My jaw dropped.

"J-Jordan, this is a _real _talking tree." I said with a tone of panic, "You're _not_ on drugs."

"Really?" Jordan asked, "Are you sure?"

"I'm dieing because of a parasite," Said the tree, "and these cheapskates wont break for the medicine!" He then dropped his jaw to the ground and, some how, while still keeping it open, said, " Enter and get the flippin' monster out!"

We walked in slowly. The eerie darkness surrounded us and made every step we took, frightening. I-

"Safety." Jordan said. The awful smell reached my nose.

"Jordan!" I shouted. Then-

COUGH

COUGH

We were coughed out. The Deku Tree looked angry.

"What are you tryin' to do? Kill me?" He asked.

"Look, lets try this again." I offered.

We walked in slowly. The eerie darkness surrounded us and made every step we took, frightening. I-I couldn't believe Jordan was smiling!

"Why are you so happy?" I asked.

"We're in a real life video game here!" He explained. I was about to respond wen I felt the ground below me get bouncy. I looked below me to find a spider web; it was very sturdy, and very big.

"Cool!" I said, bouncing on it. I was like standing on a trampoline.

"We have company!" Jordan exclaimed. I turned to see a bunch of monsters heading for us. It was a bunch of skullitas, dekus, and a chicken wing (yum)! I grabbed Jordan by the legs and swung him around, using him as a weapon. After all what else could I have used, I'd left my backpack outside. Before I knew it, all the monsters were gone.

"Ow." said Jordan. Then something caught my eye.

"Oh…heehee, there was a sword over there the whole time!" I noted. But Jordan was already crawling towards the sword. Too slow. I reached the sword way before Jordan did. I pulled the sword out with all my strength (which wasn't much), and put it in the sheath that magically appeared on my back.

"_I_ get the sword!" I teased. Jordan frowned. After letting Jordan heal, we were off again.

"So were to now?" I asked.

"Well, I know a short cut!" said Jordan.

"How can you know a short cut?" I asked…again.

"I just know," Jordan said mysteriously. I backed away slowly. He began to jump up and down on the spider web, and before I knew it he was twelve feet in the air. Then he put so much pressure on the web that it snapped. Let me tell you, I was glad I backed away!

"Jordan?" I shouted down the horizontal tunnel, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," came Jordan's voice, from down the tunnel, "Come, down! You won't get hurt!" I decided to trust in Jordan's words. I jumped down the hole, and found air rushing past me. It only lasted a few seconds, but the adrenaline was AWSOME! Then I landed in the water in a cannonball.

As soon as I reached the surface, I gasped and shouted, "Whoo! Who's up for round two?" But Jordan was already out of the water; in fact he was up on an edge he wasn't supposed to reach yet.

"Jump!" he said. I shrugged and jumped. Somehow, I landed up on the ledge.

I saw another giant spider web. This time I decided to use my sword and try to cut it. It didn't work, and neither did jumping this time. So I set Jordan on it and said, "Unleash the power within!" he made a serious face and then…farted. The web caught fire…somehow…

I jumped down the new hole again, and this time it wasn't _as_ fun. As soon as we reached the bank I heard that enemy music again.

"Deku Shrubs!" Jordan shouted. I dug into Jordan's backpack and pulled out his gym socks. I thew one into two of the tree Dekus' mouths.

"Uncle!" shouted the last one. Then he ran off a cliff.

"Ookaaay…" I said. We walked up to a door, it seemed to have a keyhole in it, and there seemed to be no doorknobs. "I guess we need a special key for this door." I said. Then the door fell, obviously poorly built. "Or not." I corrected myself.

We walked into the eerily darkened room. It reminded me of a horror movie I'd once seen.

"Queen Gohma's in this room." I reminded him. Then the one-eyed spider creature came out. I screamed.

"Don't worry!" Jordan said, taking out a slingshot, "I'll take care of this!"

"Where'd you get that?" I asked.

"Unn…Internet?" He answered. I shrugged. He put a rock in it and aimed, hitting it straight in the eye. Gohma die.

"Wow! How'd you kill it so fast?" I asked. He shrugged this time. There was a piece of heart lying on the ground. If we could get it I would make us be able to withstand four times as much damage as a regular human. Of course, we weren't regular humans already.

I raced towards the piece of heart, but Jordan reached it first. Though, my hearts went up too.

"Weird." I commented. Then I walked into the beam of light. I was pulled up into the air, and transported out of the Deku Tree. Jordan soon followed.

"Good job you two!" the Deku tree commented, "I knew you'd be able to carry out my wishes. Now listen, an evil redheaded guy put this curse on me, because he wanted the flippin' Triforce! And I'm sorry to report, I will not be living much longer because of this guy." There was a look of absolute horror upon the childrens' faces; "the fate of the world relies on you two." I looked at Jordan who was picking his nose, "You two must find the girl who is actually Princess Zelda. You'll find her in your school. " I gasped. Actually _meet_ the _real_ Princess Zelda? How cool this mission would be! "Here is the Spiritual stone that you'll need." Then a green stone levitated in the air, I jumped for it, but Jordan got to it first. I frowned. "Good…Bye…"

The Deku tree's bark turned gray, and he froze completely. He was gone. I looked at my watch.

"Jordan! It's already 3:50!" I shouted, "School's already over!"

"How'd that happen?" he asked. I shrugged.

I got home with my backpack, and no one suspected a thing. Jordan already forged some doctor's notes for tomorrow. This whole thing, I knew was real. So why did it feel like a dream?


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Okay, yesterday was weird." I admitted. We were on the bus Thursday, the day after the weird events of the last chapter, and I was sitting next to Jordan. "But now we have a duty to save the world!"

"So who do you think is really Princess Zelda?" Jordan asked. We thought for a moment, and then I noticed the girl sitting in the seat across from us. She had long blond hair, blue eyes, and wore a T-shirt that said '_I'm Princess Zelda, it's pretty obvious.'_

"Well, we know it can't be her!" I said, pointing at her.

"Totally." Jordan agreed.

By the time Jordan and I got off the bus, we were arguing. This happened a lot.

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, it _would_ be considered a hostage situation." Jordan said.

"No, it would be suicide!" I argued. Did I mention it was _completely_ off topic? We were walking into the cafeteria were everyone waited for the morning bell to ring, and someone ran into me, the red haired, evil aura barring boy, who should be punished for being born, glared at me.

"Watch were your going, pig-face!" He said to me.

"Mecome," I said, "You should do some soul searching mabie you'll find one."

"Shut up you-" He began.

"There was something about you that I liked," I said sadly, "but you spent it."

"If Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment." Taylor Mecome ended, and then he walked off.

"I _cannot_ believe I dated that dope." I said

Before we knew it, it was time for first period. Jordan and I sat down for Texas History class. Jordan snoozed through most of that, and we really bugged everyone asking all of them, even Mr. Yanar, if they were Princess Zelda.

Then we went to Math and repeated the same thing. Then someone said, "You have the right to SHUT UP!" So we sat (Jordan napped) through the rest of the class. Then came around lunchtime.

"We're halfway through the day, and we still haven't found Zelda!" I said, "We're not having much luck are we?"

"Well, maybe we'll still find her…or him." Jordan said. I stared. Then the least expected happened, a portal ripped open in the middle of the cafeteria. Then a red haired woman dressed up like Impa stepped through.

"Mom?" I asked. I already knew it was her, but she was the last person I expected to find referencing Zelda.

"Yes it's me!" she said, "And your Princess Zelda!" This information hit me hard.

"Processing…"Jordan, said, then ten seconds later he freaked out.

"Wait, you tried to keep me away from Zelda games!" I countered, ignoring Jordan.

"Those games are brain rotting!" my mom said.

"So is life!" I said. Then I was lifted off the ground by some sort of magic.

"Weeeeee!" I yelled, then next thing I knew I was in a pink dress. "Wait I'm not gonna sit around and be a damsel in distress, even if I am Princess!"

"But that's what Zelda does!" My mother said.

"Well Zelda's had it up to here with that!" I said indicating my waistline as an example, "Plus, you can't leave the fate of the word in _Jordan's_ hands."

"Whatever, do either of you have an ocarina?"

"No, but Jordan does know how to play one 'instrument'." I said, looking regrettably at Jordan. He grinned, flattened his hand out, lifted his elbow, and stuck his hand in his armpit.

"Zelda's lullaby, right?" he asked. Then he, uh, played it by armpit farts.

"Lovely friends you have, Ember." my mom commented.

"Yeah, well…Your epidermis is showing!"

"I'd be worried if it weren't."

"Well Jordan, lets get going." I said, but he'd run off into the portal that my mom was too lazy to close. "Jordan! Come back here!" I shouted. I lifted my skirt and ran after him, into the portal. Then the portal closed behind me.

"Aw, man!" my mom said, "It's back to school for me!" she took off her Impa outfit, and had a Japanese schoolgirl uniform underneath.

Going through the portal was like going through an anti gravity chamber, we were floating; though we were going somewhere. After a while we were thrown into another place. It was a small room, in need of much cleaning, with old stains and dirt covering the floors.

"Hey, this is my mom's place." I said. Just then, a tiny, puffball, Pomeranian puppy waltzed up to Jordan and me.

"Aw! It a cute wittle doggie!" Jordan said. Jordan had never met Kero before, so he didn't realize he'd made a _major_ mistake. Next thing I knew, Kero attacked Jordan's face. "Agh! No, no! Bad dog! Noooo!" I stomped my foot.

"Kero! Get off the Jordan!" I ordered. He jumped off Jordan's face. "Are you okay, Jordan?" He didn't answer, he just lie on the floor twitching. That's when I noticed the peculiar sight.

"How long has that strange mountain been there?" I asked. Jordan didn't answer. "What do you think, Jordan?" I said, turning around. But Jordan wasn't there. Instead there was a record player saying, "I say I'm already half way there-skrit-half way there-skrit-half way there…"

"Dang it, Jordan!" I muttered running off.

Somehow, I managed to catch up with Jordan, and we walked the rest of the way up the mountain. It wasn't long before we reached a cave entrance.

"This must be the Goron place!" I said.

"How do you know?" Jordan asked.

"Because that sign says 'Goron place'." I said pointing to a sign that read "Goron Place."

"Oh." Jordan said. We walked in. Several Goron people scattered around the cave. They were ugly as…well, I don't know anything to compare them to. In the middle of the place was a fat _man_ with out of control hair. He looked like a homeless man.

"I am Darunia!" Said the man, "Give me spare change and I'll give you the Spiritual Stone of Fire!"

"Okay." Jordan said, sheepishly handing him a penny.

"Ha, ha! Suckers!" shouted the homeless man, running off with Jordan's penny. Ten seconds later we heard the sound of someone falling off a cliff, shouting, "Myyyyy Pennyyyyyyy!"

"Ooookay…" I said, "weird…"

"_I_ am the _real_ Darunia." came a voice from behind us. We turned to see a Goron who looked exactly like the game depicted, except biggerer.

"Woooow…" I muttered unblinkingly.

"I'm sorry to say, I can't give you the Spiritual Stone, because I've got Anger Management classes."

"Wait, we didn't even ask you for the stone, how'd you know?" asked Jordan, eyeing Darunia suspiciously.

"Oh, I've played the games!" said Darunia.

"Oh…" Jordan replied.

"Wait," I interrupted, " maybe if we can relax you, you could give us the Spiritual Stone."

"Well, that seems reasonable. Okay!" Darunia accepted.

"To the Lost Woods!" I said enthusiastically. A cord appeared by my hand, and I pulled it. Jordan and m--

"Oh, yeah!" I said pausing the story, "I almost forgot!" I took out a green pointy hat I'd made, and put it on Jordan's head. "Perfect!" I said joyfully. Jordan stood there triumphantly.

Now, where was I…oh yeah! Jordan and me fell through a trap door though a tunnel, very similar to a slide. Jordan screamed like a little girl, and I yelled, "Weeeeee!" Miraculously, Jordan's hat stayed on. Then I fell into a pile of leaves on the ground.

"Soft landing!" I gasped. Around me was a natural setting, except the trees were more tightly packed, and on each side there were identical looking hollow logs, wide enough to walk through standing up straight. I knew few people found their ways out of these woods; thus it's name. I looked back towards the tunnel that I came out of; too soon. Jordan flew out of the tunnel, heading straight for me! Then he landed right on me.

"Soft landing!" He said. I felt like strangling him. I pushed him off and gasped for air.

"I'm gonna kill you!" I shouted, making a fist and scowling. When I am angry, you'll regret whatever you did. I can be _very_ violent when I want to be; though normally, I'm against violence. Jordan saw the anger in my eyes, so he turned tail and ran. I chased after him in the winding maze of the lost woods. I swear we passed the same rock formation three times.

Jordan then fell flat on his face. I looked forward, and then skidded to a halt, my mouth agape. Then my lips formed a smirk; I covered my mouth and tried not to laugh hysterically. The sight before me was…how can I describe it? Gut-burstingly hilarious! There sat a husky boy, eleven or twelve tears old, with army haircut on his black hair, and he was wearing a girly green dress, playing a flute. It was Nick, the sixth grader friend of mine from the bus.

"N-Nick?" I tried to ask without laughing. He looked up from his flute and his face went white.

"Ember?" He nearly shouted, "Wha-What are _you_ doing here?" Jordan got up then, and froze. We stood there wondering how Jordan would respond. It didn't take long for him to burst out laughing.

"Nick! I…I can't believe…I can't breath, I can't breath!" Jordan managed to say in short gasps between laughter.

"Aw, shaddup!" Nick said. I smirked.

"What, you sound like you LOST A BET, or something!" I said. A couple of weeks ago I bet him I could beat him at Zelda trivia. I won the bet. So Nick had to sit in the woods wearing a dress untill I came.

"Okay, can I take the flippin' dress off now?" Nick asked.

"Not yet," I said, "First, you have to teach Jordan to play 'Saria's song'!" Nick looked over at Jordan.

"What with?" Nick asked, "He don't got no instrument?" I looked at him with an incredulous look on my face.

"First of all, that was horrible grammar!" I said, "Secondly, you should have known Jordan long enough to know that he plays the armpit!"

"Oh…" said Nick, nodding as though it made _perfect _sense, "Right, so JORDAN!" he called, "Here boy! Here boy!" Jordan walked over looking a little irritated.

"Quit doggin' me, boy!" said Jordan.

"Then listen!" said Nick, "Okay now…" from that point my mind drifted; to a place where I could…you know…be imaginative without interruption. But after a wile I became board and went back to reality, where Jordan was playing "Saria's song" with his armpit.

"Umm…I don't think that'll relax him," I said, "Maybe _I_ should just _sing_ 'Saria's Song' for him?"

"Then why did we come out here?" Jordan asked sounding irritated.

"I'm sorry." I simply said. We got out by rewinding our trip down the slide and walked back up to Darunia.

Jordan backed off a bit, and someone threw a microphone in my direction, and one of the Gorons directed a Spot light toward me. Darunia crossed his arms and gave me a look as if to say, "Try to wow me!" The problem was, I had horrible stage fright.

In the hot, bright spotlight, I remembered the auditions for the school play. I had walked up to the stage and in front of me were a hundred other students that shared the same dream I had: to star in the play "Annie"! I had memorized the words to "Tomorrow", I really did; but I had suddenly blanked out. I had started to sweat, and became very nervous. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I had grabbed the microphone, and caused a screeching sound to fill the room. I remember feeling dizzy, and then falling to the floor. But from then, I didn't remember anything.

I was brought back to reality by Darunia smirking, as though to say, "I knew she couldn't do it!" That woke me up. I never back down from a challenge!

"Saria, Saria," I began to sing as a familiar tune began to play behind me, "Join with me and play, oh, why won't you, do dodo do. Saria, come with me, and I will show you a whole new world, within our own. I will nev-er forget, you my friend. I must leave, but I will, see you soon! Keep in mind, no mater where I go: you will always be with me, and I will always bee-ee with you! Saria, wait for me, I will one day come back for you, do dodo do. Good-bye friend, Saria, I must say adieu, to you, la lala la. merry day, fairy plays, I wiil one day join the fun again!" I stopped singing there. Darunia was dancing madly. He couldn't stop!

"I-need-you-to-kill-Dodongo-first-before-I-can-give-you-the-stone!" He managed to say between dance moves.

"Aw, hecks no!" said John Shackles, from my school. Jordan simply shot his slingshot at the student.

We walked out to the cave entrance. After we walked in the cave we saw the walls were covered in meat!

"Don't blink!" I warned Jordan. He blinked, and then all the meat was gone.

"You are such a carnivore!" He said.

"Hey! If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why did he have to go and make them so darn tasty!" I said.

We walked through to the next room. We saw the steaming _magma_ in the deep cave.

"Well, this looks like real lava!" I said, "so stay back!"

We then saw a man on a unicicle going across the lava, while jugleing. My spelling stinks! But the man took a spill, and fell in the lava, screaming in agony.

"Ooookaaay…." I said, "_That_ was completely unnecessary." Then I found Jordan leaning over and tasting the lava! "Noooooooooo!" I shouted jumping through the air in slow motion.

"This isn't lava!" Jordan exclaimed, "It's Hot Sauce!"

"Weird!" I said, "So now what?"

"Let's go to the boss chaimber!"

"We can't go there yet! We have to go through many rooms, and then the thsssss and pow, and finally we get to the boss room! Plus you said chamber in the wrong spelling!"

"No, we can just go through there!" Jordan said pointing at a tunnel in front of us, that had "To the Boss Room" in big, flashing, neon letters.

"I don't know…" I said, "Seems a little too…trappish." But Jordan walked through the tunnel. Surprisingly there were no traps. We jumped down a little hole, and fell into the boss room.

The floor below us shook, and I felt a wee bit queasy. We turned to see the massive dinosaur, Dodongo practically breathing on us. I looked a Jordan.

"There's a raisin on your shirt!" I said.

"Really?" Jordan asked. Dodongo's large, powerful, mouth opened wide, and he was sucking in air. I wasn't paying attention though. I flicked the raisin off Jordan's shoulder, and it somehow landed in Dodongo's mouth. The dinosaur shut its mouth, and then spazzed out! He ended up rolling in the lava- I mean hot sauce, and dieing.

"What kind of raisin was that?" I asked.

"My _special_ kind!" Jordan said.

"Oookay, I'll mind my own business." I responded.

"Here you go, the Spiritual Stone!" said Darunia, handing us a red stone. I grabbed it first.

"I'm the _Princess_, so _I_ get the _stone_!" I bragged. Jordan smiled.

"Say, can I sleep over at _your_ house?" Jordan asked.

"_Sure._" I said. You see _my_ house is a cardboard house that I made when I was six. My _grandma's_ house, which is where I sleep, is a regular house. So I said good night to Jordan, put him in the box outside, and left a food dish that said "Jordan" on it. Good night. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…Zelda…Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Today was the day I'd been waiting for, March ninth. My birthday! In the morning I greeted my cat, Simon, and ate my breakfast. I was walking to the bus stop when I realized what I'd forgotten.

"Jordan!" I told myself. I quickly ran to my backyard, and knocked on the little cardboard door. "Jordan. Hey, buddy, wake up!" I crooned. Jordan merely grunted in response. So, seeing my civil efforts didn't work, I picked the cardboard box up, to reveal a very sleepy Jordan, and dragged him to the bus stop myself. After awhile Jordan was fully awake.

"My back is killing me!" Jordan groaned.

I smirked, "I wonder why?"

"Any way," Jordan redirected, "So what are we going to do today?"

"I figured saving the world could wait one day." I said, "After all today's my birthday." Jordan's eyes widened.

"Th-that's today?" asked Jordan, looking distraught.

"Yeah," I answered, "Why, did you forget?"

"N-no! Of coarse not!" Jordan said with shifty eyes. I knew he was lying, but I decided to let him off the hook…for now.

The bus pulled up pretty soon. All of the kids were loaded on, and I sat with Jordan in the front.

"HELLO!" came a voice. It was so sudden Jordan and I both jumped from our seats and rammed our heads together. I turned to find Nick, but he wasn't wearing a dress.

"Hi, Nick!" I said. Nick simply smiled. "You're coming to my party today, right?" I asked.

"Yep." said Nick, with the enthusiasm of a porcupine in the afternoon. I, then, questioned my narrating skills.

After awhile on the bus, we made it to school. I walked into the cafeteria, and sat with my friends: Christine, Candice, Alishia, Elissa, and Johanna. Christine was reading an Inuyasha manga, and swooning over Inuyasha, as usual. Candice was doing the same, but not as much. Alishia was showing her new stickers, and Elissa was, well…

"SoIsaidIdon'twantbraces,butIgetbraces,sonowIcan'tchewgumoreattaffy.Doyoulikewater?Ilikewater.Whydoyoualwaysgetchocolatemilk?Youkonwchocolateisbadforyou,thoughnormalmilkisgoodforyou,becauseofthesugarandchocolate.Chocolatecomesfromatreethough,andIwonderhowaplantcanbeunheathy,andooh!Isthataladdybugsticker?Ilikeladdybugs,they'reprettycolorsandtheymakesurethatbugsdon'teatplants.Butareallladdybugsgirls?Whatwouldyoucallaboyladdybug?Agentlemanbug?Laddybugslikewatter-"

Johanna was reaching for Elissa's neck. Christine is fairly tall for her age, and she has very short, blond hair, and wears glasses. Candice is older than the rest of us, around fourteen. She is shorter than the rest, though, and has short, blond hair as well, though longer than Christine's, around shoulder length. Alishia is half-Japanese, and is slightly plump. She also goes to a Japanese school sometimes (though don't ask me what a Japanese school is doing in Texas). Elissa is a regular looking girl with brown hair, tough it's shorter than mine is (as if someone has longer hair than I do), and se wore glasses. Johanna was the only one that, I think, could be nominated "beautiful". She looks kind of Spanish; she has smooth dark hair, and well-tanned skin. Her eyes were a reflection of her attitude.

"Hey!" I said sitting down, "Today is my birthday party day!" They all looked up suddenly. I could see the looks of shock on their faces. I concerned me. I had given them invitations earlier in the week.

"Oh," said Christine, the one who was closest to me, " Today I have band practice."

"Ditto." said Alishia.

"Samehere." piped Elissa.

"I'm moving tomorrow," said Candice with a frown.

"Amber invited me to her sleepover first." answered Johanna.

My smile faded. It seemed like no one would come. Throughout the rest of the day I asked the other people whom I'd invited. Practically all of them couldn't. I'd had my birthday on a bad day. The others didn't come to school.

At the end of the day, I trudged onto the bus. But the sight of Jordan and Nick lifted my spirits. They were coming for sure.

"Jordan, after we get off the bus I want to go to the car dealer ship!" I told him.

"You _know _you have dibs on that car!" He said.

"I have to check on it though!" I whined. Finally I managed to convince him. After we went home and Jordan got his bike, and I put on my roller blades, we were off. The place we needed to go wasn't to far away, so it didn't take long to get there.

"WELCOME! To Lon Lon Car Dealership!" Shouted the plump mustached man as we entered. He was the Dealership owner. "Well, hey thar, Ember!" he said to me. It looked like any other car dealership…except for the chickens everywhere. Why? I don't know!

"Hello, Talon." I greeted him. We continued walking, were in the left of the room was a young redheaded girl was humming and polishing a bright red car, that had a design of the triforce on the hood. The girl was about twelve. I knew her from school. She wore a plaid shirt, that had its sleeves ripped off, and had the bottom tied up to show her thin belly. Her pants were cut to be capris had the ends of the legs frayed.

"Hey, Malon." I said. The girl looked up, with her soft, green eyes, and smiled. She was a very good friend of mine, because once her father and her ran out of gas on the road, so the father went to get help. When I came around, she told me that he hadn't come back for a while. I found him asleep, and then we gave them both a ride home.

"Come to check on the car _again_?" she asked.

"It's the _only_ 'Epona' brand left!" I said. The advantage to being friends with the car dealership's father? Getting my choice of what car I want in the future, FREE! I leaned against the car, almost hugging it. " Only three more years, baby." I said to the car. The window was open right then. I slipped and fell right on the horn.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

A thin mustached man ran up covering his ears.

"NO! STOP! GET OFF! GET-OFF!" He shouted, his face red with anger.

"-EEEP!"

I sat up immediately.

"Sorry, Mr. Indigo!" I squeaked.

"Am _I_ the only one that _works _around here?" He grumbled as he stormed off. I felt my back. MY SWORD! My sword was missing. I turned around. Jordan was missing too.

"Uh, oh!" I said. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together. I turned again to find Jordan sneaking up behind a chicken, the sword up, ready to strike.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Malon and I shouted in unison. Too late. The sword flew and hit the chicken. It crowed, and a strange rumbling sound followed.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" I screamed. Jordan was the first to run. I knew what was coming; I should have run first thing. But as always I worried about the other people. Jordan had never been stupid enough to do this before. Everyone ran around in a disorganized fashion, screaming their heads off. We saw the flock of angry chickens, feathers flying everywhere. I did the only thing I could do. I ran.

Normally, I was the sixth place runner…in a race with only five people. The worst! But when there is a flock of angry chickens, as I discovered, I could run faster than everyone could. I grabbed Jordan's arm and dragged him to safety. I ran into the manager's office, and locked the door. When I was sure it was safe, I sat down next to Jordan. My lungs were heaving and my heart was thrashing. I turned to Jordan. On his head sat a pecking chicken. Jordan didn't seem to notice.

"I'm going to kill you!" I screamed at Jordan. I grabbed his neck and throttled it.

"E-Ember?" came a shaky voice under the desk. I looked over to see Malon siting in the fetal position, wide eyed.

"Malon? Are you okay?" I asked my hands still on Jordan's throat.

"Yeah." She said, "But, I'm terrified of chickens now!"

"That's okay." I said, "So are we."

"Guh! Embuh! Can't breath!" Jordan gasped. I let go and he gasped for air.

"But, this _had _to have happened before." I said, "Jordan can't be the _only_ idiot!"

"The only way to stop them, is to get _Jordan_ to apologize to the chicken!" Malon said. I knew Jordan. Apologies were his weak point. He could never apologize, especially, to a chicken!

"Can't I just give it a pie?" Jordan asked. Malon and I glared at him.

"He can't make an apology without me there." I said. Malon nodded in agreement.

I opened the door just a crack, Jordan slipped through first, and I followed. Immediately, I was attacked by chickens. They were everywhere, even in my shoes. I ran as fast as I could from the chickens. I was practically blind. Then I felt one of them pull my super long hair. That did it.

"NO ONE-TOUCHES-THE HAIR!" I shouted. I used my kung-fu skills that I had learned for a year before quitting (No really, I do know kung-fu!) to fight them off. After a while of me kicking butt, we made it to the main chicken, the one that called the army of chickens.

"I'm sorbly!" Jordan shouted.

"_JORDAN!_" I nearly screamed.

"I'm sowy! I'm sonty! I'm-I'm orry!" He fumbled over his words. I was practically being swallowed into the flock of chickens.

"JORDAN! DO IT! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I screamed. I'm not sure if it was me screaming, or if it was the pressure, or, maybe, it was to save me even; I don't know.

"I'M SORRY!" He cried. Suddenly, the army of chickens flew off, and everything went quiet. The only things I could hear were my heart pounding, and my heavy breathing. Malon walked out of the manager's office.

"Malon." I said.

"What?" she asked.

"At six my birthday party will be at GattiLand. Wanna' come?" I asked.

"Sure!" Malon answered smiling.

I walked in to the smell of burnt pizza; the entire place was abuzz with excitement. My parents and I were the first ones there from our party, so we simply awaited the arrival of the rest of the party. Jordan soon came in and took a seat. It wasn't long before Nick came, and his brother too. Then Malon came in. Also, I invited Darunia, Kong, and a few other Kokiri children. I figured we might as well have some more guests. We all sat in the party room and claimed our seats. After that we went to get some pizza. Mmm. Malon, as usual, got the vegetarian pizza.

We ate to our hearts content. Darunia took up two seats and tilted the table. Kong, well, you know, had a lot of gas. And Jordan was just…Jordan.

"So, finally thirteen, huh?" Jordan asked. I nodded.

"Yep! Now I'm a teenager!" I said. I'm not sure if I was happy or sad about it. "Stop that!" I muttered to Jordan kicking him under the table. I don't want to explain.

"CAKE FIRST!" I heard Darunia shout across the table. My mom decided to do as he said. They lit thirteen candles on the cake; the cake surprised me. It had, in the middle, the triforce drawn in yellow icing. I clapped.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dear Em-ber! Happy birth day To You!" They all sang. Bu I could hardly hear them over Jordan's ghetto screaming.

"HaPpY bIrThDaY tO yOu! YoU lIvE iN hYrUlE! YoU lOoK lIkE a MoBlIn, AAAAnD yOu SmElL lIkE oNe ToO!" He screamed.

"What heck was that?" Kong asked.

"_That_ was the sound of Jordan's brain leaving the building." Malon joked.

"When did it ever come in?" I asked. Jordan seemed flattered by all this. I reserved the center for me and my two closest friends. First we had to get pictures of me holding the Triforce. I handed Jordan the side that I knew as the Triforce of Courage; I gave myself the Triforce of Wisdom, and I gave Nick the Triforce of Power. I smiled and ate it.

"Okay!" I said to the chattering crowd, "Listen up or I will hire a Navi for each of you!" They all silenced, and I cleared my throat, "We are going to partner up. I have assigned each of you a partner. Nick and Malon!" Malon gave Nick a joking bow, "Darunia with Nick's brother!" Nick's older brother looked at the towering Darunia questioningly. "Know-it-all brother one and Know-it-all brother two. Know-it-all brother three and Know-it-all brother four. Twin one with twin two. Kong and Lydia. Blah blah blah blee yap yap, and Jordan will be with me!" Everyone rushed out of the room by the time I was finished. Jordan and I walked into the noisy game room. The first thing we went to was skiball; I figured I could test my new technique. I pulled my arm back, aimed, and rolled it. Thew ball bounced off and hit Jordan in the head.

"Oh, SOOT!" I shouted, running to Jordan's side, "I'm such a klutz!" there was a large knot on his head, but I assured myself there was no damage; after all, what was there _to_ damage? That's when I noticed the new game: "Bombchu Bowling".

"Can we try that?" Jordan asked pointing at it.

"Sure, why not?" I said. We walked over to the machine, and I stuck the game key in it. Out popped eleven little things that looked like robotic mouse heads. I picked one up and it started to flash. I simply aimed at the wall that it was built for, and laid it on the ground. Just like that, the little thing ran down the aisle, and climbed up the wall to the target, and exploded.

I watched as the wall fell to reveal another wall with more obstacles.

"Cool!" Jordan shouted. He grabbed another Bombchu, and tried the same way I did. Before he could drop it, the Bombchu exploded on him and he was launched across the room. I watched as he flew into the laser shooting gallery, and ran as fast as I could to his aid. When I got there I found a kid continuously firing the fake gun at Jordan.

"Enough kid." I said, "Let me get him later for you." The kid looked over and smiled a missing tooth smile. I hopped over the counter at the gallery, and lifted Jordan up to his feet.

"Coming, mother…" Jordan muttered as I tried to keep him balanced. After putting him on the Lil' Ferris wheel and watching him go around in circles for a while, he got up.

"I am _NEVER_ going Bombchu bowling _again_!" Jordan said. I nodded.

"We should sue!" I shouted, so the employees could hear. Immediately, they rushed over and gave us hundreds and hundreds more cash in our game keys for free. Plus extra pizza, free; and any prize we wanted by the end of the party…FREE! Jordan and I celebrated by playing every game and whatever for the rest of the time. I _owned_ him in DDR! Trust me, if there was first prize for a team in video games, for regular people, not celebrities, Jordan and I would win first prize. Though we had to keep saving each other's butts!

"_Nice_ sharky…" I sang in a shaky tone as we were playing the under sea hunters game (though I'd NEVER hunt in real life!), "_Preeety_ sharky…" Then I burst out and screamed, "**UGLY SHARKY!** Wait! I didn't mean that!" But the shark attacked me anyway. Jordan, luckily, noticed it before it got to me. "Thanks!" I sighed

"You've _gotta_ stop doing that!" He said.

"TIME TO GO!" sang my mother. I felt like biting her hand, but instead stayed. "**TIME TO GO!**" She said angrily now. Jordan and I scrambled from our seats and stood in attention. "Get your prizes, now!"

We walked to the counter with the reminder of the ANY PRIZE promise. Jordan and I got stuffed animals from the top shelf and each got a small prize, telling them that we'd save the rest of our ANY PRIZE points for later. The small prizes we got were, an "assemble your self" small foam airplane for Jordan, and a paddle ball for me!

"Yay!" I cheered. I tried to bounce it, but failed miserably. "Dang." I said. I tried again, "Dang…Dang…dang dang dang dangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdangdang, pwft!" the ball somehow landed in my mouth.

"I lost the tip!" Jordan whined.

"Still keep it!" I said, "It may come in handy!"

So we gave Jordan a ride home and I got home, still not understanding how to work the paddle ball.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

We walked up to the still water that was our community pool. It was quiet; too quiet.

"We have to go to the water to find the _Spiritual Stone of_ Water!" I said. Jordan nodded as though I said something that was exactly the same as his thoughts. "We have to get in then!" Jordan took off the regular cloths he was wearing, to reveal the swimtrunks underneath. I did the same to reveal the bikini I was wearing underneath. Jordan's nose bled suddenly. (jk)

"Into the pool!" I shouted, jumping off the side. Jordan followed. There was a mysterious tunnel in the wall. We swam through quickly and resurfaced immediately. I looked around.

"We're at Shlitter Bahn!" I shouted. Then a strange music started, and I walked out of the water, with Jordan on my heals, and saw several Zoras dancing.

"Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!" pounded the radio. Jordan jumped up and started to dance along with them.

"Hey-umm-excuse me!" I said trying to get some of the Zoras' attention, but they wouldn't listen, "Excuse me…can you tell me…" My blood boiled, "STOP!" I screamed. The music stopped, and the Zoras stopped dancing. The only one still dancing was Jordan. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, "The party's over." I told him.

"Aww, man!" He grumbled.

"Where's King Zora?" I asked. They all pointed towards the Boogey Bahn. Jordan and I marched over to the place they said the King would be, and we found him there.

"King Zora?" I called.

"Yes?" answered a squeaky voice out of the large fish-person. My jaw dropped. I wasn't expecting something strange like that.

"We need the Spiritual Stone of Water." I said. He opened his mouth, but I interjected, "But we have to go save the Princess from Jabu-Jabu, right?"

"That's right, how did you know?" He asked, again in that freaky tiny voice. After a moment of getting the sound out of my ear I answered.

"Let's just say it's a lucky guess." I said.

"Okay, just let me scoot over so you can get to Jabu-Jabu." He said. God! I couldn't take any more of that creepy voice! After what seemed like forever, King Zora finished the scooting over. I stopped before I ran off.

"Why do you have that weird voice?" I asked rudely.

"Freak helium accident." He answered.

"Oh!" I said. Then I took off.

We found ourselves in a part of Shlitter Bahn I'd never been, in fact, probably no one but the Zoras had been here before. There was a large Fish in the middle of the lake or pool. I could feel its breathing as a strong wind.

"We have to give him a fish to open his mouth." I said. Jordan took out a fish from nowhere, and we were sucked in.

Weird pink walls surrounded us and behind us was a good set of teeth.

"What has Jabu-Jabu been eating?" Jordan asked, holding his nose. I rolled my eyes and walked forward. "NOOOOO! WAAAAIT!" Jordan said in slow motion.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Jordan was still running in slow motion.

"There're octoroks in there!" He warned. I looked at the pool of saliva in front of me. After a moment two octoroks arose from the saliva. They launched rocks at me from their mouths. I smirked, took out an AK47, and blasted their heads off. Then I shot the bubbles around us, all in less than ten seconds.

"I rock." I said. I looked around and saw a red dangly thing at the roof of Jabu-Jabu's mouth.

"That must be the uvula!" I said.

"Oh, so it's a girl fish…" Jordan said.

"WHAT?" I asked. (Okay, I admit, I stole that from a commercial of "Monster House") "We have to hit that to get to the thing open to get to the next room." I said, ignoring the weird thing he had said.

"What about that gun you had before?" Jordan asked. I shook my head.

"One: I'm out of bullets," I explained, "Two: DO YOU WANNA KILL JABU-JABU! THAT'LL BLOW A HOLE IN HIS MOUTH! And three: I shouldn't have brought that out in the first place, this is a _kids'_ story."

"Then how do we hit it?" He asked.

"You've _got_ a _slingshot_!" I said.

"Oh! Right! I knew that!" He proclaimed. He took out the slingshot and hit the uvula.

"HEY! YOU TWO!" Echoed through Jabu-Jabu's body, "WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE WOULD YOU MIND FINDING THAT EGGPLANT I ATE? I THINK I'M VIOLENTLLY ALERGIC!"

"Sure thing Jabu-Jabu!" Jordan called.

"Now follow me!" I said.

"Why follow _you_?" Jordan asked, "_I'm_ the video game prodigy!"

"First: You _always _say that after you _die_ in the game! Second: _I'm_ the princess! Third: I've had lots of spare time, so I've been doing nothing but replaying all of my Zelda games, so I know it by heart!" I listed. He gave in and followed me.

We walked straight through the next room, ignoring that this was the elivator room, and went on to the one after that. In that room the floor was covered in holes, and filled with flying jellyfish.

"Hey, what's that?" I said, pointing to a place in the center of the room.

"Must be Ruto!" Jordan said. But I wasn't so sure. She looked like a human, not anything like a Zora. She was about the same age as Jordan and me; with short brown hair, and soft brown eyes. Jordan and I ran up to her, and she looked puzzled.

"Who are you, and what are you doing here?" She asked, "Shoo! Get out!" I crossed my arms, and stood my ground.

"Well, that's a _great_ way to treat the people who are trying to rescue you!" I said sarcastically. I saw a look a shock on Jordan's face as he stared at the girl.

"I-I don't need rescuing!" She lied, "I'm doing just fine, thank you!" She turned and began to walk away, when she suddenly fell through one of the holes. I had to laugh.

"Come on, Jordan." I said, "We _have_ to save her." So we jumped through the hole to the room underneath. There she was sitting on the floor rubbing her head. I stuck out my hand to her.

"What?" She asked.

"Well, you're the only one who can help me and Jordan get through this fish." I said. Her eyes widened, and she pushed me aside. She walked right up to Jordan and smiled.

"Horndawg? From Maple Story online?" She asked him. He backed away and nodded.

"Yeah…" He said, "Hi, Amy." I smirked and stood up.

"So, _this_ is the infamous AmyChan?" I asked, remembering him talking about her at lunch, about how she scares him.

"You've _talked_ about me?" She asked, batting her eyes, "So you told her about _us_?"

"Um…sure…" Jordan answered backing away. I stifled a laugh.

"So, _grrk,_ you're the Princess of the Zoras'?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yes! And one day I'll be _queen_." Amy gloated, moving closer to Jordan, "With a _king_ beside me!"

"Well, Amy, we have to get you home." I said.

"NO!" She said, "I mean, I need my stone. The Zora's safire!"

"WHAT!" I asked, "Why would you bring a valuable item like the Spiritual Stone of Water into a fish's stomach?" I screamed. Amy just shrugged. Why did idiots surround me? "Well, we better go get it." I said. Jordan and I began to run off.

"Hey!" Amy shouted, "You're not gonna leave me here, are you?" She eyed me jealously, "You! Carry me!"

"Me?" I asked, "No, no. I'm too weak to carry you!" She jumped right on my shoulders, despite what I said. "ACK!" So we trudged forward.

We proceeded into the next room. It was pretty basic, a strange little "room" with a small trench in the middle. Inside the trench was a button, to flood the trench with water. I jumped into the trench, followed by Jordan, and I threw her to the platform on the other side. Jordan hit the switch to let the water come up. We swam to the other side where Amy was. She stared at me in an irritated manor, though I ignored it and (painfully) picked her up again. I hit the switch hanging in front of the next blocked door with AmyChan, and we proceeded to the next room.

This was the bottom of the elevator room we ignored earlier. So we waited for the elevator to come down, and went up with Princess Amy.

"So, _who_ are you again?" Amy asked, knocking on my head, as though having more than my own weigh on my shoulders was not enough.

"I'm Jordan's best friend, and the only one capable of keeping him alive long enough to save the world." I sighed rolling my eyes.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Amy asked.

"Look at him! He's hopeless without me here to stop him from killing him self!" I said, pointing to Jordan.

"Ooo! Jellyfish!" He said, grabbing at one of the flying jellyfish. Then he got ahold of it and--"AAAAA!YAYELECTRICITY!" He screamed. Then we were at the top. So we continued to the room where we first met Princess Amy...the one with holes in the ground.

"Have you ever noticed how Jabu-Jabu's stomach on the inside is disproportional to the out side? " I asked, as we avoided those holes and crossed the room to the door on the other side.

"Yeah! What's up with that?" Jordan asked. I shrugged, witch I noticed I did a lot.

There were three paths, and a slimy thing blocked the one in the middle.

"Okay, which way do we go?" I asked. Both Jordan and Amy pointed in opposite directions. I sighed. Then, I felt my heart sink as I heard a strange noise behind us. I slowly turned my head, and my heart skipped two beats as I saw the large electrical arm arising from the floor of the great fish's stomach. "New plan, we…RUUUUUUN!" I screamed, running to the left side of this hellish place, Jordan on my tail. We reached a point were the door was locked, so I did the only thing I could think of doing then, and set Amy down on the switch.

The door opened and I rushed in, Jordan, once again, following.

"HEY! DONT'T LEAVE ME OUT HERE!" Amy screamed in anger as we left her. I kindda felt bad about leaving her. "Kindda" being the word. I turned and stopped. I couldn't move, I was terrified.

"Whew." Jordan sighed, "It seemed like the door was locked!"

"I-it was locked." I said, "And for a good reason!" I pointed out the big slimy tentacle in the middle of the room.

"You know what _really_ sucks?" Jordan asked, "I don't have a boomerang!"

"Do you still have that foam airplane?" I asked.

"Yeah," He answered, taking it out, "Why?"

"Gimme!" I said, grabbing it. I removed the body from the plane to reveal the wings were in the shape of a boomerang. "Use it!" I said. He threw it and the tentacle collapsed and was suddenly diced.

"Ooh! A chest!" We opened it together and were nearly blinded by the light.

"A map?" I asked, "Who needs that?" And I threw it away. We exited the room. There stood a very irritated Amy.

"_Why_ did you leave me behind?" Amy asked.

"So we wouldn't get locked in!" I answered.

"Just don't do it again!" She said angrily.

" 'K, whatever." I said.

Looking left, we saw that the electric thing that was previously blocking the path was now gone. I picked up Amy and went into the room there.

"Bubbles?" I asked, "Eh, let's leave!" So we left that room, and went down another hall and into the door. Jordan defeated the tentacle thing hanging from the top. After killing him, one of those electric blocking things disappeared. So we went back to the room with the holes and dropped down the one closest to the door and we fell down on the highest platform in the room below.

We entered the door and...

"The third spiritual stone is there!" Jordan shouted.

"Throw me up there!" Amy said.

"Wait, if I throw you up there, something bad will-wait…okay, I'll throw you up there!" I said smirking. So I threw Amy up to get it (...but why Princess Amy?). The platform suddenly shot up.

"AGH! What is this! An octopus!" Amy screamed.

"I tried to warn her." I whispered. Then the platform came back down with a Big Octo on it. This wasn't the main boss of the dungeon but it was included in the boss section anyway.

"C'mon!" I shouted, grabbing Jordan's hand and dragging him onto the platform with out getting scratched by the thorns, (which is very difficult). "Okay, you throw the boomerang, I'll finish him!" I said, taking out my sword.

After killing Big Octo, we climbed up on the platform and it brought us up to the higher level. We freezed the electrified Jell-O things with the boomerang and crossed the room by jumping on the stunned jello things.

We were in a different room now; it was the higher level of the elevator room. I jumped onto the platform and it lowered down to the elevator room. I stepped on the switch and... What? It won't stay down?

"Jordan!" I shouted.

"I'm right here!" He shouted back from behind me.

"Oh, sorry." I said, " Could you be a big dear, and…" Jordan put his hands over his head like antlers, and stood on his tiptoes. "…Go to the other side of the room and bring the boxes back here?"

He handed me the box and I put the box down on the switch and entered the door. We climbed the vines at the side of the wall up to the top.

"See the switch behind the semi-transparent wall?" I asked. Jordan squinted, then he nodded. "Throw the boomerang at that!"

With really good aim, he threw the boomerang to the side of the wall in such a way that it moved to hit the switch as it came back to him.

We rushed through the door that just unlocked. In the room we saw a strange thing that looked like it didn't belong on this planet, much less in a fish's stomach. HUGE jellyfish surrounded it attached by electrical currents. I watched as they attached themselves to the creature.

" Barinade, the bioelectric anemone." I muttered. The final boss of Jabu Jabu's Belly. It raised a hooded tentacle that resembled a satellite dish. "RUN!" I yelled. I took off, hearing the _zap_ of an electric bolt behind me. My heart sank. _Was Jordan hit?_

Then I heard Jordan's voice, "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" And I sighed of relief.

"Jordan! Use the force- I mean, the boomerang!" I said. Jordan skidded to a stop and threw the boomerang. It hit all of the appendages attaching it to the ceiling. I stopped as well, and watched as the jellyfish detached themselves from the anemone.

"Plan of action: divide and conquer!" I said. Jordan and I split up and attacked the jellyfish. With two of us, we got rid of them immediately, much faster than one person would. Then we took out the body. So, after Barinade burst into flames, I gave Jordan a high five.

Jordan grabbed the heart container, and a hole appeared in the floor; along with Amy.

"Well, this is our only exit, so-" I said.

"W-what took you guys so long?" Amy asked under her breath.

"Excuse us for not wanting to die!" I said sarcastically. So we jumped down the hole and slid through tubes like a water slide. Suddenly, the Magic School Bus passed by us.

"WHAT!" Jordan shouted, "WHERE'D THEY COME FROM?" THEN I HIT THE 'Caps Lock' key to turn the caps off. After that we went to…uh…I don't think you wanna know where we went after that. Anyway, we managed to get out, that's the point.

Wen we were on land again, I saw that Amy was uncomfortably close to Jordan. When Jordan noticed, He screamed and fell back into the water. Amy dove after him, and swam up to him, making _those_ eyes at him.

"Wow, you look cooler in person than you do online!" She said. I almost burst out laughing. First of all, I didn't know what she meant by "look cool", because (normally I don't judge looks, but…) he had super messy hair that couldn't be tamed by a lion tamer, he had freckles all over his face (I'm not saying freckles are unattractive), his eyes were uneven, he…oh! Let's just get back to it! Second of all, on Maple Story, every one is a chibi, how could she tell how he looked!

"If there's anything I can do for you, just name it!" Amy said gleefully.

"Well, we could use that Spiritual Stone of Water." I said.

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!" She spat.

"Well, we could use that Spiritual Stone of Water." said Jordan.

"Anything for _you_ Jordan!" She flirted. She placed the blue, glowing stone in his hand. "Just don't forget me, 'k?" She whispered to him. Jordan's eyes widened.

"I will if you back away." Jordan said to her.

So she walked out to the place where her father sat. Jordan crawled back onto land, and saw me smirking. We both burst into laughter.

"Well, now all we need to do is get these stones to the Temple of Time!" I said. First we had to _find_ the Temple of Time. But, come on! How hard could that be?


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

As it turned out, very hard. We looked it up on the Internet, but only found stuff on the game. We had been searching with no luck for a week now.

Now we were in town. The springtime air warming up to approach summer. People rushing by with there own busy lives, not giving us a second glance.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Jordan piped up, talking to a woman who was passing by, "Do you know where the Temple of Time is?"

"You need to stop watching so many movies, kid!" The woman responded, then she strolled off.

"Jordan!" I said, "Stop asking people, you're embarrassing me!" I walked onward, and Jordan soon followed.

"So, were are we going?" Jordan asked.

"We're going to the library so I can return this Animorphs book." I said.

"You know we'll never find the Temple of Time at this rate!" He sighed. I ignored him, and kept walking.

"Here we are!" I said, seeing the Wells Branch Library. We walked in and I slipped my books in the book return. I was about to walk out when it caught my eye. In the back of the library was a marble, stone shelf; and a strange wall behind it. At the top of the wall was a hardly noticeable symbol. I could recognize the symbol as the Triforce!

"Excuse me?" I said to the librarian, "What is that? That thing in the back." She turned her head and looked at it.

"Oh, that?" She said, "I don't know. It's always been there." I ran past her and rushed to the back. Jordan instantly understood and followed me. I pushed the books off of it to reveal the inscription.

"Hey, kid! What do you think you're doing?" The librarian shouted angrily.

" 'Congrats young heroes, you've found the Temple of Time'!" I read, "This is it! 'Place the three stones of spirit here and claim the sword of destiny for yourselves. But remember, you two must work together to save the world with to power of friendship…' Wow, that's cheesy! What are we in a kid's story here?" So I placed the three stones in their spots. "Okay, play the song of time!" I said. Suddenly, I began to burp. So, I just burped the Song of Time.

The doors slowly opened…very slowly…okay! So I walked in and Jordan rushed right past me. He began pulling at the sword.

"Jordan…um…I think we're supposed to pull it out together." I said. So we attempted to pull it out together, with little luck.

"Wait! Here's the problem!" I pointed out.

"What? Where?" Jordan asked.

"It's not plugged in!" I answered. So I put the plug into the electric socket, and we tried again.

"One…" I said.

"Two…" said Jordan.

"Three!" We shouted in unison. We both pulled the sword up in the air. "YES! WE DID IT!" I shouted, "N-now I'm…really…sleepy…" And then, everything went dark.

When I awoke, the first thing I saw was the air sparkling like tiny little stars were dancing around me. I sat up slowly and looked around. On the floor was a sleepy Jordan, but what I called a floor was a little unnerving, being a gold circle floating in mid-air. I shook Jordan awake.

"Jordan!" I said just above a panicky whisper, "Jordan, something's-" That was when I noticed that Jordan was suddenly more muscular, taller, and…more…mature looking. He even had a small goatee!

"Five more minutes, mommy." He said in a deep voice.

"WAKE UP!" I shouted, shaking him like crazy.

"AAA! AAA! I'm AWAKE!" He shouted. Then he paused for a moment, "Is that my voice?" Then he looked at me. His jaw dropped, "A-ma-w-Woah!" He managed to say, "Em-Ember?" I gasped. The strange thing is that throughout our friendship, Jordan's never called me by my name directly…maybe "November" or, "December" or, "January"

"Y-You said my name!" I said.

"Well…I wasn't sure it was you." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"W-well…you look…wow…different!" He answered.

"That is because you two have both aged four years." echoed a voice from no where.

"Who, what, when, where, and why are you?" I asked, "And 'how'!"

"I'm right behind you." Said the voice, solidifying to one location…behind us. I turned around to find a strange man in a medieval robe, standing on one of the smaller circles surrounding us.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am the sage, Rauru." He said simply, "And you two have been asleep for four years in here…the sacred realm."

"Four _years_?" I asked, I turned to Jordan, "Great! I missed four years of school for you! You happy?"

"Yes." said Jordan. I was kind of happy to hear that. He was the same old Jordan, no matter how different he looked.

"Anyway!" said Rauru, "While you two were asleep, the King of  
Evil came into the sacred realm, and took the Triforce. So now the World is ruled by evil. You two must invade his castle and destroy him to restore piece to the world once again."

"There never _was_ piece in the world!" I said, "The world always _was_ evil!"

"Well…it's eviler than it was before! Okay?" He shot, "You." he said, pointing at me, "You are in the most danger! He's got wanted posters for you and everything! He is determined to catch you; so you must find a way so he will not catch you. Also, you need a weapon, you're Kokiri sword is too small to fight with now."

"Alright, I think I understand." I said.

"The entire fate of the world rests on your shoulders" He said, "No pressure."

Then a blinding light surrounded us. Before I could respond to Rauru we were in the library again.

"I'll be right back." I said. I walked into the girls' room and looked in the mirror. I looked much different then I had before, My hair was finally the extreme length I'd always wanted it to be, my figure was great, and my face was beautiful. But I knew I had to hide this all. If I walked out like this, Ganondorf would snatch me right away. So I had to give myself my nightmare makeover.

I took off my glasses and got out some red contacts. I had always been afraid of contacts, I'm afraid of any objects that go in your eyes. I carefully put them in. It didn't hurt my eyes at all! I put something on to restrain my chest, then, over that, I put on a turtleneck sweater (and some jeans). Then came the hardest part. I picked up a pair of scissors and sobbed as I brought them to the back of my hair. I snipped my long hair of to where it was super short, like a boy's haircut. My stomach lurched when I cut off my long hair, for once you have you're hair that long and you cut it that short, you get a sickening feeling in your stomach. Though I kept my long bangs to cover one of my eyes and look cool.

So I pulled the neck of my sweater up to cover half of my face, and walked out.

"Okay, Jordan, let's get going." I sighed. He turned and stared at me.

"Heeey! Who are you?" He asked, "Where's Ember? How do you know my name? And what were you doing in the girls' room?" I sighed at his stupidity.

"Um, I'm here to help you." I lied, "I…um…Ember's in hiding. I'm…uh…um…Sheik! Yeah! I'm Sheik!" I was laughing inside my head. No doubt he would get it now! After all, what were the chances that he'd forget such an important part to the Oot story line!

"Oh! Nice to meet you Sheik! I'm Jordan." He said, holding out his hand to shake. Apparently, very likely. I shook his hand. _What an idiot!_ I thought.

"Um…right…now all I need is a weapon." I said. Then it came to me, "My dad's house!"

"So are _you_ Ember's secret bother?" He asked. He often brought up something about me having a secret brother for some reason.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I…" I started, " I mean…Ember doesn't have a brother."

"Yes she does!" He insisted.

"Let's just go to my dad's house." I sighed.

I saw the house was now rotted, and a light flickered on and off in the living room. I wasn't sure if he still lived there. Along with the eerie dark clouds that hovered above us, the house almost looked haunted. I walked to the door and rang the doorbell. I could hear faint footsteps coming to the door.

"What is the password?" whispered a familiar voice.

" 'Password'? Daddy, it's me!" I said, hardly above a whisper. I could hear a rush with unlocking several locks. The door opened, and my dad's bearded face poked out.

"Ember?" He asked with his eyes wide.

"Where?" asked Jordan. I slapped my forehead and shook my head.

"What's going on?" I asked. He looked around.

"Come in, quick! The walls have noses." He whispered. Jordan rushed in, and I followed. I first saw my half-sister, Taryn, sitting on the couch. Her brown eyes sparkled from behind her glasses, and her brown hair was now longer than it had been last time I'd seen it. Next to her I saw her boyfriend (as far as I knew, still a BF) He now had a beard like my dad used to have, and he let his dark hair grow wild.

"Ember?" Taryn asked with the same amazement my dad had.

"Where!" Jordan asked again.

"Y-you're alive!" Taryn asked. I figured that was a rhetorical question. After all I was standing right there. Also in the room was a woman I'd never seen before.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I'm Jay's wife." She answered.

"What happened to Laura?" I asked.

"Well, things didn't really work with her." My dad explained, "Long story." Then I turned to see another familiar face.

"Christine!" I shouted with glee. I hugged her tight. Then I saw the least expected of faces. The young man standing there glared at me with piercing golden eyes, his pure white hair was shining like moonlight; he wore a red robe of some kind, and most importantly, he had dog-ears on the top of his head.

"Oh…my…is that InuYasha?" I asked. Christine smiled.

"He's my husband now!" she said, leaning on him.

"Oookaaay…so what's all this? Why are you here?" I asked.

"Well, you see, after you disappeared, The King of Evil took over. But no one can take over the world without a rebel's team. This place is the base!" My dad explained, "Strangely, about everyone on the team has known you at one point or another."

"Well, dad, I need a weapon for now." I said. He smiled.

"The weapons are still all in the computer room." He said, pointing to the back of the house. I went into the room where swords, maces, flails, and axes covered the walls. Then I saw it. The sword I remembered my dad ordering for me. It was a recreation of the Master Sword that he got for fifteen bucks.

"Finally, I'll get to use this!" I said, marveling at the sword.

"Want some soda?" My dad asked.

"Yeah!" I answered back. We grabbed some sodas and sat down. After all, a break wouldn't hurt, would it? Taryn turned the TV on, and a news station came on.

"Ugh! I hate the news!" I said. But then I heard what was going on, I wasn't as bored.

"The King of Evil has now sent monsters rampaging through New York…again…for the twelve-year-old boy that sniped him in Halo2." The news lady said calmly, "Michael Jackson is going to have his nose cut off for the fifteenth time, for asking The K.O.E a question. In other news, some people say that the Sell me something with C guy, is the King of Evil's brother! Is it true? Find out after I hide in a dark place. Also time for the weather!"

"Thanks, Kate." answered the weather man, "Today is going to be dark, with zero percent chance of sun! As though today is any different from any other day."

"At least now it's going to commercial," said Jordan.

"Need better car deals? Need people who actually work and help you buy cars? Need driving lessons? Well then come on down to Indigo's Car Dealership!" I spit out my soda.

"What?" Jordan and I asked in unison.

"We've gotta get down there!" I said, "My car better still be there!" And I took off.

When we walked in it was unusually quiet and empty.

"What're you kids doin' here?" asked a familiar voice.

"Indigo!" I shouted, spinning around, "Um…we…we're here for d-driving lessons!"

"Driving lessons?" Indigo asked, "Well, you do seem familiar, maybe I'll do it for a friend." Then I saw a young woman with matted red hair, dirtied cloths, and gray-green eyes come up behind Indigo.

"Malon." I whispered to myself.

"Mr. Indigo, I washed every car twice now. Can I please have a break now." She asked.

"Wash them all again!" He ordered, "Tell you what, I'll give you a raise. Triple what you're making!"

"But I'm not making any money to begin with!" She whined.

"Can't you see I'm with a customer!" Indigo yelled. Then I saw my beautiful, beautiful car…still there.

"I'll try with that car!" I said. Indigo laughed.

"That car?" He asked, still laughing, "No one's been able to pass the test with _that_ car! The Epona brand stopped being made for a reason; no one could drive it, it's too difficult!"

"Really?" I asked, "Then watch me." I crawled into the car, Indigo following me. I watched as he strapped on every kind of protective padding there was. I buckled my seat belt, and started the car.

"Get out of the parked space." he said. I raised my eyebrow and switched the car in reverse, slowly backing out. "How about a 'U' turn?"

"I'll give you the whole alphabet!" I said. And I did. I made turns to shape letters, all the way from A to Z.

"What the-?" Indigo asked, "I-I've never seen driving like this!" He glared at me, "Tell you what, how about you race me? If you win, you can keep this car."

"Sure, as long as I get to dive _this_ car." I answered. We shook hands on it and he got into another car. His car was sleek and jet-black. Most likely a sports car. He revved his engine, and I revved mine.

"On your mark…get set," said Malon, "GOOOOOOOOOO!" I took off leaving Indigo in the dust. Before he knew it I already crossed the finish line.

"How did you do that?" He asked. I just smirked and held out my hand.

"The keys, if you please?" I asked. Indigo grumbled as he pulled the keys out.

"I was supposed to give that car to the King of Evil!" Indigo mumbled. I snatched the keys and got in the car. My driver's license was already in there.

"C'mon, Jordan! We have places to go!" I called out. Jordan hopped in the car with me. "Bu-bye, Mr. Indigo!"

"So, where to?" Jordan asked.

"I _have_ to go to GameStop!" I said, "It should have come out by now!"

"What should have?" Jordan asked. I didn't answer. When we got to the store, I jumped out of the car and rushed into the store. I looked everywhere in the Gamecube section, but didn't find it. I rushed up to the sales clerk and grabbed his collar.

"Where is the Twilight Princess game!" I asked. The man had terror in his eyes.

"Um…that didn't come out." He said. I dropped him.

"Four years and it _still_ isn't out?" I asked, "Man, Nintendo's gonna get it."

"A-actually, the King of Evil made Zelda illegal," said the clerk. I gasped.

"Oh-no-he-did-en't!" I said, "That is the last straw! When you take away my Zelda, you get on the wrong end of my sword! Now…it's personal!"

So we got in the car and set out to destroy Ganondorf!


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"Were are we going?" Jordan asked. I stopped the car.

"I-I don't know!" I answered in shock. Truth be told, I didn't even think about were I was going. Then I heard my cell phone ring like Saria's Song.

"Where'd you get that ring tone?" Jordan asked.

"You ask a lot of questions for an idiot." I answered. I flipped open the phone. "Hello?"

"It's true! You _are_ alive!" answered a familiar voice.

"Nick?" I asked.

"The one and only!" He answered.

"Why are you calling now?"

"Well, you know that forest where you met Kong and all the other kids?"

"Yes…"

"Well, I went there for awhile and now I'm stuck in this temple."

"We're on our way." I said, "Bye!"

"Bye!" Nick answered.

"That was Nick. He says he stuck in a temple." I said casually.

"Oh." said Jordan, "That's nice…where?"

"In the creepy looking woods we went in when our adventure started." I answered.

"Wait, you weren't there, Sheik." He said. I felt like banging my head against the dashboard.

"All right. FLOOR IT, DUDE!" Jordan yelled. I put the petal to the metal, and we zipped through the street. Even if there _was_ a traffic cop around, they'd _never_ catch us at this speed! WOOOHOOO! Next thing we knew, we were at the entrance to the woods. I unbuckled, got out, and stared with my jaw dropped at the woods. The trees were black, dead, and the ground was a lush lawn of DIRT! There were crows cawing and staring at us. If we thought the woods were creepy looking before, then now it was terrifying! Just like the eerie woods you always see in the horror movies, when the guy behind you is yelling, "RUN FOOL! THERE GONNA GRAB YOU!"

"Hello!" Jordan called, waving his hand in front of my face, "Earth to Sheik! Come in, Sheik! Over."

"Houston, we have a problem…over." I muttered.

"Copy that, Sheiky…over." He said. I glared at him. "Cool! It's like we're in a horror movie!" Jordan said, looking toward the woods.

"Cut!" said a faint voice. I raised an eyebrow and walked into the woods with Jordan too close for comfort.

"Back away out of my personal space!" I told him.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry…" Jordan stuttered, "It's j-just I'm afraid that z-z-z-zombies will grab us."

"Sense _when_ are _you_ afraid of zombies?" I asked.

"Sense I watched Dawn of the Dead." He whispered.

"RUN FOOL!" Came another faint voice. I looked around.

"Jordan, this is a _comedy._ There will be _no_ zombies." I assured him. Then we turned to find dancing zombies. Jordan screamed…Like a little girl.

"Come on! Join the party!" One of them said.

"Aren't you supposed to be trying to eat our brains?" I asked.

"Brains? EW! Brains are gross!" Said another one, "We don't eat people's body parts! We're all vegetarians!"

"Okay!" I said. So we moved on.

Wen we got to the place where all the kids were seven years ago. Now it was foggy, and dark. The place almost looked like a ghost town.

"I wonder if they're all still here?" I asked. Suddenly we saw a young boy running through the fog.

"Is that Kong?" Jordan asked.

"Some one be of helping me!" The boy screamed.

"Yep, definitely Kong." I said

"Yep." Jordan agreed. Kong ran up and hugged my legs.

"Kong! What's wrong?" I asked. He pointed into the fog and out came a…bunny? I looked at it, then at Kong.

"Um…what's wrong with the bunny?" I asked.

"It is death on long, sharp, pointy teeth!" He cried. I looked at Jordan, and we both rolled our eyes.

"Kong…Have you been watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" I asked. He nodded. "Have you _seen_ this bunny use it's long sharp pointy teeth?" I asked. He shook his head. "Well then, maybe it's not dangerous." I sighed. I threw a stick at the bunny, and it merely sniffed it. Then I saw it chew on it with regular herbivore teeth. "See!"

"Wait moment! You! You Ember!" He said, jumping up and down.

"Where is every one seeing her!" Jordan asked.

"It Ember and Jordan! They back! They back! We saved!" Kong sang as he danced. Then I saw several other Kokiri children poke their little heads out from inside the houses.

"Look, do you know where Nick is?" I asked.

"Oh! The round one!" Kong said.

"Look, don't call him that, cause he might read this!" I whispered.

"Yes, he came long time ago!" Kong said, "Come with me!" He said taking my hand and running to somewhere.

Now we were in a familiar place. Not the lost woods again! We went to the left thing and ended up where we were just before, in the middle one.

"No…maybe it right side." Kong said to himself, So we went to the right side, and ended back there again. "Okay, now I get bored…"

So…hours later (don't ask how), we finally reached what Kong called "The Sacred Place". But Nick wasn't on the tree stump like Kong said he would be. So I knew Nick was inside the Temple. I saw where the door to the temple was, up in a very high place.

"How do we get in there?" I asked. Kong shrugged. "Go back to the other Kokiri, Kong, 'k?" I asked.

"Okay!" Kong answered. And he took off. I looked at Jordan.

"You gotta have an idiotic plan ready." I said. He rubbed his chin, but then froze with his hand still there.

"Uh-oh! My hand! It's stuck!" Jordan said. I laughed. I just knew one day Jordan would get his hand stuck to his chin! Don't ask why. Then I took my paddleball out and aimed at the tree branch hanging over the ledge that leaded to the door. "Ow!" Jordan yelled.

"Sorry!" I called back. Jordan grabbed the paddleball and jerked it from my hand with the unstuck hand.

"Gimme that!" He demanded. He aimed at the tree branch, and the elastic wrapped around the branch. "Grab on!" I clung on to him untill we reached the ledge.

"That was uncomfortable." I admitted. So we entered the door.

(Don't hurt me during this whole part about what happens in the Forest Temple, 'k, cause I just gotta do this one different!)

We walked, the grass crunching under our feet. A floating skull flew by and Jordan tried to slip away. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

"Oh-no you don't! You are gonna come and help me find Nick!" I said. Jordan gulped, but walked forward to the next door, while I made sure he didn't run off.

Now inside the temple I walked ahead of Jordan in the hallway.

"Be careful, there are lots of traps in here." I warned. When Jordan didn't answer I turned and asked, "Jordan?" I saw him standing there with a bear trap on his head, a mousetrap on his ear, arrows lodged in his back, barbed wire around his torso, and a chain around his leg. "Oh."

Then floating skulls surrounded us.

Jordan got a serious look on his face, looking at each floating skull thing, and reaching back for his sword. He pulled at his sword, but it wouldn't come out. He tried again and again, when it came off his back it was still in the sheath. He did the only thing he could do. He ran, and I followed. We burst through the door to the next room. I was so terrified I completely forgot about my own weapon. The skulls chased us down the hallways, defiantly not planing on giving up. Then I saw another hallway, and I grabbed Jordan's arm and dragged him to that hallway. The skulls flew past us, thinking we were still running ahead of them. My body was still filled with adrenaline. I leaned against the wall, and my chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath.

"Um, Sheik?" Jordan asked, "You can let go of my hand now." I looked to see I was still grasping his hand. I let go quickly, and pulled my turtle neck up further covering all up to my eyes.

"S-sorry." I said. Then I heard groaning echoing through the large room we just entered.

"Ooh…not another one…" The voice griped. I saw the poe (ghost) become visible. Jordan and I walked further into the room. "Okay…if you are able to find the real me between my copies, I'll let you pass…" Then in a peppy voice, he said, " Besides, I'll give you this _beautiful_ bow made of cheap wood and…I don't know I think it's plastic or something…"

"Sure!" I answered.

"Not _you_!" The poe spat, then he faced Jordan, " _Him_." I bit my lip; there was no way Jordan could pass a test like that! Something like that would require…Then the cheap cardboard cutouts fell from the ceiling, attached by strings.

"Wow…um…tough one, huh?" I asked, meaning it to be sarcastic. Jordan had a look on his face as though this were the hardest question he'd ever been asked. Ever had that feeling that everybody around you was an idiot, except for you? That was how I felt.

The one on the poe's right side fell, after the string broke. Jordan was about to point at the one on the left of the poe, when I pushed his hand back down and said "No, no." Then the left cardboard cutout fell. The real poe was the only one left, so Jordan pointed at him. The poe burst into flames, and the bow was on the ground. Jordan picked it up and lifted it in the air.

"Da na na NA!" Jordan sang. I walked past.

"_Woopeedoo!_" I said sarcastically, "Move."

We made it to the boss chamber after a long time of uninteresting exploring and puzzle solving. The walls were gray and cracked, with two identical paintings showing a path through a forest leading to a castle and several gold and red poles with rope between them. It was so quiet that the air was completely still. The crisp silence was broken by a loud booming voice that filled the room.

"**I AM GANONDORF!**" The voice boomed. Jordan had nearly wet his pants because of the unexpected loud noise. I, being calm as always, laughed. We turned to see a floating man with a terrifying (and ugly) face. Then his face…_mask_ fell off. "Nah, not really." He said, "I am GANON'S PHANTOM!"

"Gotta get 'em all, 'cause he's Ganon Phantom!" I sang. Jordan and Ganon's Phantom looked at me. "Sorry, couldn't hold that back."

"Anyway, if you are able to discover which of those two paintings I'll come out of, and hit me, you win!" He said indicating the identical paintings. Jordan claimed the bow because he was always better with long distance weapons than I was (in videogames). Ganon's Phantom vanished. Jordan turned with an arrow in his bow ready to go, and fired it right at the famous painting, "The Scream" or other wise known as "The Cry".

"Jordan." I sighed, turning him to face the two paintings that Ganon's Phantom meant, "Between _those _two." In one of them you could see a guy scratching his head.

"I don't remember a castle being here." He said. Phantom Ganon stuck his head out of the painting, only to have an arrow pierce his head. "Oh, poopie." He said. I smirked, holding the bow; I shoved the bow back at Jordan.

"Here, you can have it back now." I told him. A light surrounded us, and next thing we knew we were back in the sacred realm. There standing before us was Nick…exactly the same as he was four years ago.

"Nick?" I asked, "Why haven't you aged?"

"Well, truth is, as soon a the King of Evil took over I hid in the Kokiri forest. So, I stayed a kid." Nick explained, "Any who, here's you're medallion of forest." He flipped the medallion at us. And another light surrounded us, "My only regret is that I'll never be able to ask out Mal-" But then we were transported out.

"What now?" Jordan asked.

"Now we get in the car, and go back to my dad's." I said, "It's late and the only place we can trust is the rebellions' headquarters."

"Okay." Jordan said, and we buckled in for the drive. This time I didn't speed, I just cruised. After all, last time Jordan wet himself.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

"Okay, now, switch it to reverse…and back up slowly." I explained. I was teaching Jordan to drive my car. "And if you get a scratch on my baby, I'll kill you!" I said. Jordan gulped, and pulled the lever back into reverse. He slowly backed up, and then stopped.

"Good…now put it into drive." I said in a calm voice. He moved the lever again into the drive position. He went forward with his foot on the brake, and a snail passed us. Jordan just screamed like a little girl. "Jordan! JORDAN!"I shouted, he stopped driving, "Okay, let's try again. This time with your foot off the break." Jordan looked at me.

"You mean faster?!" He asked. I rolled my eyes. Then my dad came out the door of his house.

"Okay, we know where you need to go next." My dad said, "You have to head to Death Mountain, once there, Darunia should tell you were to go."

I smiled, though you couldn't see it under the turtleneck. I looked Jordan in the eyes.

"Okay, all you have to is drive us to Death Mountain, and we'll be there." I told him. In panic, Jordan slammed his foot on the gas pedal, and we slammed right into someone's house. I glared at Jordan in a way that could petrify a person, and I watched as a shiver crawled down his spine.

"Um…" Jordan stammered.

"Get…out…of…the…car." I growled. Jordan didn't need to be told again. He swung the door open and rushed out. I got out of my side as well. Then I saw there was not even a scratch on the car, I released a sigh of relief. I got in the driver's seat, and Jordan got shotgun. I turned the car back on, and put the car in reverse.

"We were never here." I told Jordan before I pulled out.

We walked up the familiar path of Death Mountain, sense the car couldn't fit on that path.

"Don't look down…don't look down…" I kept reminding myself. My one true fear in the word was climbing things…you see, I'm not as much scared of hights as I am scared of the fall…no, the landing. "OH MY GOSH!" I shouted. Jordan panicked, nearly falling off the edge.

"What?!" Jordan gasped.

"I just realized…my little cousin Haley…she probably has boobs now!!"

So several hours and uninteresting conversations later…we reached the Goron City. But there was an eerie silence…except the sound of one Goron rolling. We looked down to see a very young Goron, just rolling around…with a squirrel on its back. A squirrel with a rocket launcher!! The squirrel aimed at the Goron and fired. He stopped and sat up so fast that he thew the squirrel off.

"Huh? What was that?" The Goron asked. Then he shrugged and started to roll again, untill he hit a pebble, which threw him into the air, and through the roof. Through the roof we could hear some music and other sounds.

"The fire temple!" I yelled. So, blah blah blah, we climbed to the top of Death Mountain. There we saw a large neon sign that said "The Fire Temple Casino". Jordan and I gave each other looks as though to say "WTF?"

We walked into the casino to see all the Gorons were here instead of being locked up! What was going on here? I had to find out.

"One more game!" Darunia insisted to the other Goron.

"But you're out of money!" The other Goron said.

"Darunia!" I called. He turned to look at me.

"Oh, hey." Darunia said, smiling.

Jordan's eyes widened as he looked to the corner of the room, "CHEESE!!!!" He screamed. He ran over to a bunch of cheese wheels.

"Listen, Darunia," I asked, "Where is Volvagia? Jordan and I need to fight him so you can become the Sage of Fire and so we can be one step closer to fighting and defeating the _'King of Evil'_."

Darunia looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I looked at him, and he put on a fake moustache and looked at me.

"Well?" I asked.

" 'Well' what?" Darunia asked, tilting his radish-shaped head.

I swear I was ready to punch him, "VOLVAGIA! THAT'S 'WHAT'!!"

"Oh!" Darunia said, nodding, "He's in the back." So I grabbed Jordan, who had stolen a bunch of cheese wheels, and dragged him to the back. There we saw a red dragon sitting at a table across from a like-like sipping tea.

"How's your tea?" The dragon asked the like-like, "A little to hot Mr. Likesworth?"

"Indeed, Mr. Volvington, but I still like it." The like-like responded. I coughed. Volvagia stopped in mid sip, and then threw aside the tea and the table.

"Um…I was…" The dragon stammered, "DO YOU KNOW HOW BORING IT IS WAITING FOR YOU TWO TO GET HERE!!" I gave an understanding nod.

"Yes and we really appreciate all you bosses do," I said sincerely. "Now let us kill you and get this over with." The dragon shrugged.

"Okay…but I'm gonna have to put up a fight."

"Okay!" I said, jumping. Jordan jumped forward and started chasing after Volvagia. I had to hit myself. Jordan's an idiot sometimes…a lot of times…

"Jordan, wait!!" I yelled. Quickly as I could, I chased after Jordan, and joined him in chasing Volvagia. Nothings wrong with a little stupidity every now and then, though.

I grabbed Jordan and skidded to a stop, after I saw a young adolescent Asian kid. I stared at the guy for a moment. Then the kid smirked.

"DRAGON UP!!" The kid yelled, and with a blazing flame he turned into a dragon, and started chasing us. Who knew dragons worked together?

We only had one thing left to do! I had to access my inner woman, and nag! Nag like my grandmother! Nag like I've never nagged before! I skidded to a stop and turned around.

"Now listen here!" I shouted, causing the American Dragon to stop. "You don't just chase random people! What are you thinking? And was that fire! One day you're gonna burn yourself, and you ain't gonna come cryin' to me, cause I'll just say 'Told ya'! Also, if you attack us, who's gonna stop the evil king? Not you! You're helping him! I thought you were a hero! Now you're on the villains' side! SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!! You're scales are filthy! Don't you roll tor eyes at me!" It went on and on and on!! And just as I'd hoped, it distracted Jake. Also as I'd hoped, Jordan took advantage of the distraction. In an instant, a monkey wrench hit American Dragon Jake Long in the head and knocked him out cold.

"That's why you don't mess with the dangerous duo!" I laughed.

"Yeah! High five, Sheik!" Jordan said, holding his hand in the air.

"No."

"Okay!"

"Uncle!" Volvagia yelled. "I forfeit!"

"Were to now?" Jordan asked. I buckled my seat belt.

"To…My T-Bears!" I said. "T-Bear" Is what I called my grandmother. We drove untill we reached a fork in the road. There was a sign that said "Left /Ganondorf's place/ Chunky Cheeses. Right, Ember's Grandmother's place."

"Which way should we go?" I asked.

"Hmmm?"

Jordan and I looked at each other, and together yelled, "CHUNKY CHEESES!!!" We sped off to the left.

We walked inside to find Bowser cleaning the place.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked. Bowser turned around and looked at us.

"Well, well, well. If it ain't the 'Great Heroes'!" He laughed.

"And you seem to be enjoying your job as a maid!" I snapped back. Bowser stopped his laughing and frowned.

"Oh, it's true! It's true!" He sobbed. "He gives me no respect! We're supposed to be partners, but he makes me do all the work!"

"Ganondorf does?" I asked.

"Yeah." he answered.

"Why don't you go on strike or something?" I suggested.

"Ya know what? You're right! I'll go on strike! Let's see what he does about that!" and Bowser ran out.

"Who was that?" Jordan asked. I slapped him upside the head.


End file.
